why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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