I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
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he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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