last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
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I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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