told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
