i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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