I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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