when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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