I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
