so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Randomize
