I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
