i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
