hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
