ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
