Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
