Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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