I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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