you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
