You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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