I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
