Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
