DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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