That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
one might say we're banned from that church
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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