$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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