We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
