i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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