if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
