Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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