Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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