My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
