Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
