Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
