so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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