Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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