It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
