I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
