she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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