Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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