Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
