I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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