Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
