I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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