Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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