why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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