he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
