apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
