Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
