he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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