the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
