1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Screwed.edu
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
