i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
