"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
