i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
