So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
