He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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