That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
