Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
