I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
