Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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