Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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