It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
thus making me awesome and them whores
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
