if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
