hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
