i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
