im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
