You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
