i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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