You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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