Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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