yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
