i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
And then my night got REAL pukey
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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