so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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