when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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