My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Let's paint friendship bongs
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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