I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
