I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
