remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
