brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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