Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We're too hungover to prance.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
